Holy crap! What is wrong with you all?

Do you think that I can do your job for you? Would I know all the details that you need to do your job effeciently?

No? So why the hell do you think you can manage your website? Seriously.... what is wrong with you people?

I've Lost It?

Nah, not really. The dummies are just driving me nuts.  All this 'EASY' talk about domains, websites, email just drives dummies to be idiots. I know I will never be an NBA player, and I will probably never be able to get into Hockey, so guess what, I don't lie to myself and think I will.

Transferring a Domain Name?

First, did you know it is called a domain name? Or do you know it as web address? Or just 'website'? Hmmm, couple other questions:

  • do you know where they are registered?
  • do you know what a registrar is?
  • do you know what nameservers the domain is pointing to?
  • will transferring the domain 'break' anything you currently using, like the website or email?
  • do you have the auth code? Is the domain record unlocked? Is the contact info updated and correct?

Do you have any idea of what I am talking about? Then why do you think you can do it? Oh, a friend is helping you?  Does your friend know all of that stuff? Seriously, ask them, now. Someone better know something.

Designing your own website?

Great. I'm sure it will be easy, since we know you, the one using AOL and doesn't know where the attachments download to. Oh, goody, you got a box of software that has the word Easy in the title.... EasyCreator, EasyWebSite, EasyOverYourHead, EasyShowTheWorldYouAreDumb.

Ok, let's use that WYSIWYG toy you got there and drag and drop a bunch of clipart into the template. Now copy that text you wrote in MS Word into this Easy program. Cool, that's great, that was easy.  Oh, maybe change the font, that will be cool. Don't worry about the horrible inconsistent code the Word uses under that pretty thing you created. If you can't see it, it's not there.  Good for you.

FTP? Nah, you don't need that, since your SuperEasy software has button that says 'Publish' and you are done. Whoops, it needs settings... ummmm, where do you get those? You do have a hosting account somewhere right? That's not the same as having a domain name. The name is just the name, but the website needs to be on a server somewhere connected to the web. But, you knew that, right?

The WebForDumbSuckers program says something... oh, yes, cool, it's included. Just have to punch in those codes and you'll have a site. But, wait, how do you use that domain name web address thingy for the new design?

If you don't know html from ftp, then step away from that wysiwyg thing and get someone who does.

Using a web designer?

Finally, dummy has a moment of non-dumbness. Getting someone who can help. Now, does this person have experience?

  • What kind of experience? Graphic design? Powerpoint? spreadsheets? they know how to send you those great funny emails?
  • Have they assessed your big picture containing the domain, the hosting, the email, and your needs? Your real needs, not your wishes?
  • Are they going to be around for ongoing support and maintenance? Is there going to be a need to update?
  • Are you talking with the person that is actually doing the work and has experience, or are you dealing with the sales department that give you the answers you want to hear?

Do you have anyone, friend, relative, ooohhh, maybe that tech person that has been handling your office network and email.... anyone that you can consult with to make sure you are getting what you want/need?   Hey, that tech person... did you even contact them about this at all to see if maybe they could do it? Or did you just allow a sales call to control you, rather than using the trusted resources you had available to you the whole time? Oh, good, go with the salesman.

Remember to pay no attention to those qualified, experience professionals that do this everyday. Don't get advice from those trusted sources that have never steered you wrong, that always had your best interests in mind. Remember, dummy, you are a dummy and you should listen to the stranger that 'says' they are experts but how would you know since you don't know the questions to ask?

Email

Quick, don't look it up. Where is your email? What do you use for email?  No, not you unprofessional idiots using Yahoo or AOL as a business address. I'm talking to you semi-dummies that are smart enough to look professional by using your domain name for it's great purpose of email.

  • What is your email address?
  • Do you know how to setup a new address, a forward, or reset your password?
  • Do you know the difference between a forward and an account in relation to an email address?
  • What type of protocol are you using? (I know that is a big word, so I'll make it multiple choice)
    Outlook, Outlook Express, Thunderbird, Mail, POP3, IMAP, Exchange, Offsite, Onsite, Other, Webmail, forward to your AOL or Yahoo address (dope), or maybe a combination of these options.
  • Are there any limits on the accounts? Volume or Size?
  • Are there any filters for spam or virus or phish? Where is the filter? In your Outlook? In your anti-virus? On the server? None?
  • Is your email on the same server as your website?
  • Is it the same address as your website? (what? a website can be different from email address? don't worry, it's not something a dummy should concern themselves with)

Hey, does your playground buddie you are creating mud cakes with know any of this stuff?

Dummy Knows Best

Remember, the dummy that does it themselves is doing what they do best... being dumb.

Let's bump you up a step on the dummy scale. How about you assess what you know, and don't know about ALL things web. And think about how hard you would be laughing at some idiot walking off the street trying to do your work.

Let me just say it again, because remember, you ARE dense.  Think how hard you would be laughing when some dummy with no experience, skill or knowledge steps in to do your work.

Well, I giggling my mutha-f-ing ass off at you idiots.  What would you do?  Let the idiot sit in the mess they did and let it forment? Or step in to help but charge 10x the amount to fix something they should never had attempted (at least not with proper guidance).

Life will go much easier for you when you accept your stupidhood.